So another match against Gemadept on the slab of concrete covered in molten rubber that Ky Hoa sports club humorously calls ‘astroturf’. Gemadept are allegedly a logistics company but based on this performance they are ‘going nowhere fast’, hardly a suitable slogan for their line of business. If they ship boxes like they defend then I want nothing to do with them next time I move house. Raiders were resplendent in their new all red kits (the shade being ‘definitely not-Liverpool red’ I believe) whilst Gemadept lined up in their green kits (this particular yellow-green being familiar to new fathers when dealing with the contents of a newborn’s nappy).

Coming off the back of two very convincing victories (Saints 3-0, HotShots 6-0) confidence was high, and with the opposition having lost their two opening games, Raiders could smell the three points from the off. Celebrity fans in place, the whistle blew.

 

The action

With personnel now comfortable in a familiar system Raiders began in full control and dominated the early possession. Before long Gemadept had edged into the match and their number 17 forced a save from Mirko after jinking past numerous attempts to win the ball from his twinkly toes. Gemadept pressure was short lived however as an explosive 25 minutes saw Raiders grab the game by the neck and never let go.

The first goal came from an attack down the right leading to a shot on target from Alex which the Gemadept goalkeeper could only parry, Stefan making no mistake with the finish. The second, soon after, came from another attack down the right and good work from Yoshida who put Greeve through for a one on one. 2-0. The third came almost immediately from the kick off, Greeve galloping towards goal for another one on one after being put through by McDonnell. The goalkeeper, already beaten, attempted to take off the golden boy’s right leg off at the thigh with an extremely cynical lunge but just got his angles wrong and only succeeded in a neat imprint of his studs which Greeve is now developing into a piece of modern art. The fourth was another good attacking move with Bloor releasing Yoshi down the right wing who, after gathering, delivered a ball across the Gemadept box and out the other side to the waiting Stefan who again finished clinically. Rubbing my eyes in disbelief… it runs like a striker, it scores like a striker… it must be a striker! Hallelujah! Stefanowski naturally picked up the MOM from his peers for his predatory performance in front of goal. Colin was my vote for his outstanding, assured performance which reminded me of a young Beckenbauer.

During the second half Raiders had to put in a defensive shift as legs tired slightly and Gemadept attempted to force something but in the end, they couldn’t deliver (logistics joke). Solid defending across the back line saw them restricted to only a couple of sniffs but inaccurate shooting and Mirko’s legs kept them at bay. There were chances to add to the Raiders’ tally too but they were spurned. Discipline wise a good performance and not too much to complain about. Apart from the shit, biased ref and linesman of course who must have had confirmation of the bank transfer at half time and began raising the offside flag at every. single. attack. Dowden picked up a yellow for a physical mismatch in the first half, swatting away a child-like opponent with the swing of a massive limb. It was like the Orcs attacking Hobbiton.

 

Turkey moment unfairly given to Hoff but taken in all round excellent humour

Midway through the half a free kick was conceded by a Gemadept employee who decided to leap through the air into Armitt in an attempt to get the ball which was somewhere in the vicinity of that half of the pitch.

Daniel G insisted that I take the ensuing set piece. I protested, reminding Daniel that, despite my excellent free kick conversion percentage, it was my first game back for a little while – but he wouldn’t take no for an answer, bless him, and what could I do? He is the captain after all. Reluctantly I stepped up and – this is going to be hard to believe I know – a freak gust of wind rocked the ball onto an unnaturally large piece of molten rubber on the pitch which led to a horrendous bobble just before contact. No one moved an inch as the ball soared high into the neighbouring ward. I turned, disconsolate and frankly embarrassed, to my team mates. Thankfully they understood. I could tell by the way they were tutting and rolling their eyes that they had seen the bobble. It was like watching Ronny O’Sullivan miss an easy red, or Rory Mcilroy push a putt wide from 4 yards. A one off. Minutes later Daniel himself did the obvious Turkey moment of the match by connecting with a ball that once leaving Ho Chi Minh City would eventually become a danger to mountaineers on Everest. However, I accepted the excellent banter on the chin – and the award of the Turkey moment with the gradual joyous realisation it didn’t actually involve drinking any Wild Turkey – a solemn promise between myself and my kidneys upheld.

 

In Summary

WE ARE TOP OF THE LEAGUE, SAY WE ARE TOP OF THE LEAGUE! SAY WE ARE TOP OF THE LEAGUE SAY WE ARE TOP OF THE LEAGUE! And we only use amateur players! What madness is this? Although realistically we are aiming for a Europa league spot, we enjoy every single juicy minute at the top of this league. Lads, drink it in.

 

Coach Pat’s verdict

Positives:

• Keeping our cool when the other team were playing like Mexicans
• No dumb yellow cards
• Clinical finishing by Stefan and Nico
• Rock solid play at the back by everyone who played there
• Another clean sheet!

Negatives:

• Yelling at the referee too much from the bench (supporters and players). If we can’t keep our cool on the sideline how can we do it on the pitch?