17.04.22

It was Easter Sunday, the sun was setting, Japan were getting slapped by the one and (thankfully) only Fighting Cockheads FC and Eric’s nowhere to be seen but who’d surprised at that?  

Sunday’s game saw us line up against the infamous back ups Tri Hai FC. Struggling for players as it was Colin made the rounds letting everyone know we were short and might have to call for back up, Foxy to the rescue. In comes Lucas & Katio. Lucas’ no older than 18 but built like he’s 35 and Eric’s still nowhere to be seen.. but again who’d be surprised at that.. 

After a while of chatting bollocks on the sideline and Jamie Fox using the whole RB area as his personal shooting warm up whilst the Japan game was still on, we go to gear up. Has anyone seen Eric yet? 

Here he is, Sport Easy’s fault.. We’ve a full squad, we go in for a team talk. The refs blow for kickoff, we’ve not even warmed up yet.. Tri Hai FC are just sat on the floor waiting to get started whilst we throw in some quick leg sweeps and open the gates. 

Eventually we kick off after a very brief warm up, 7 seconds later we are 1-0 up – what happened? Did Shane Long come on the pitch or was it Jimmy Q’s shirt? Who the fuck cares, I’ll take it. The game resets and Foxy picks up the ball around the half way, quick look up and drops the ball right into Chris’s feet, what’s that? 2-0 after 3 minutes – not a bad start for the lads. 

The game starts to settle, we are knocking the ball about well, a few more chances created but nothing special, not as special as Sven picking up a yellow card for pushing the ref but we’ll get to that later. 

We’re nearing half time, the tempers are starting to flare as the refs are up to their old tricks, Foxy picks up the first yellow for telling the ref to ‘open his f**king eyes’ as he looks directly into his eyes but he’s from Essex though so it’s just bants. 

40 minuets in Chris gets fed a through ball from Mariano, it’s 3-0 and the half time whistle goes. The gaffa makes some changes, on comes Silver Fox Sven and Tom Champion to anchor down the middle of the field but the lead didn’t last for too long as Tri Hai had made it 3-1 from a quick break 10 minutes into the second half. Let’s blame it on the refs, well that’s what Sven did anyway, which lead to him pushing the ref and getting only a yellow? Only in Vietnam. Don’t worry the red card comes later. 

With another early press the ball was picked up in their half and a squared ball from Jamie D picked out Lucas at the far post from him to slot home and increase the lead to 4-1.

60 or so minutes in Foxy floats one over the back line for me to run onto, I think I’ve got onto it but the keeper goes full Kamikaze, it’s a wipeout. The ref blows for a pen and pulls out his red card. After screaming at the keeper like a hormonal period-induced girl, the balls placed on the spot. Is it going to be a hatrick? Or will it be the 7’s tournament final all over again and miss? It was the latter anyway, put it wide like a big emotional bitch. 

It’s 38 minutes into the second half and Tri Hai FC have bagged themselves a late goal courtesy of Tom living up to his last name being a Champion and lobbing 5ft Hank in the sticks. Very close second turkey shout by the way. 

To make up for the pen miss which in turn allowed me the opportunity to write this match report Lucas the adolescent man repays the favor by squaring a ball for me to slot home and make it 5-1. 

40 mins on the clock into the second half, surely that’s the game done? Not with Chris Hallet on the field. To rub some more salt in the wounds he picks up the ball on the half way and makes a gazelle like run the middle skipping past defenders and eventually putting the keeper on his arse and the ball in the back of the net. 

All in all, good day out for the lads and a good win to end Easter Sunday. Still plenty of football to be played and the league to be won so we keep going. 

Over and out, 

J Dean, the two pen champ x